You know how you feel obliged to meet people that you never wanted to meet in the first place but you feel bad if you didn’t meet them because your parents really wanted you to meet them? Yeah….I was put in such a position not too long ago. Sadly I’m still regretting that meet up, 2 weeks into the year. Argh.
On a separate note, I’m so glad I’ve learnt the art of keeping silent in the lead up to turning 30. I think it’s a much needed skill to have in this time and age where everything you say is scrutinised to the last intonation. So sad.
I’m not much of a risk-taker, but this year I took the biggest risk of my life. I quit my job of 8 years to move to another country and live on a mountain. My mom thought I was crazy, my dad loved the idea and my work supervisor was very amused with my life choice. There have been moments in the past few months where I’ve asked myself if I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. Thankfully, the memories of how I felt while working where I was at are still heavily etched in my mind, reminding me never to regret the decision I made.
I never thought I would get the opportunity to live on a mountain, but here I am. At the highest point of the Barrington Tops, surrounded by green pastures with cows, brumbies, wallabies, kangaroos and wombats peacefully grazing on grass, crimson and eastern rosellas, kookaburras and many other types of birds sitting on fences waiting to catch their next feed, the gentle rustling of trees with pretty, pretty flowers that I do not know the name of, I finally feel like I can recognise the sound of my heartbeat again.
I want to believe that a majority of these emotions that I’m currently feeling is due to hormones but I know it’s also driven by genuine disappointment. I’ve lost a friend. Deep inside I know that things will never, ever be the same again between us. I have to say I saw it coming, but I guess I wasn’t entirely prepared for it. All I can do for now is to wish her well and that she finds her way through life with ease.
The good thing that came out from this bad experience was the ability to count my blessings and be grateful for the people around me. The staples, the ones I wouldn’t know how to live without. My cousin, that one friend from college, 2 of my ex-colleagues whom I now consider amazing friends, my parents, Coby and Abe. These are the people who truly matter to me. ❤️
I met up with a very dear Friend today. She was mentioning how our extremely close clique of 4 friends had dwindled down to 3 and now 2. After she had mentioned it, I told her how I did not even feel a tiny bit of sadness because: Friend #4 is my ex and honestly, he didn’t even try to maintain ties with my other 2 friends even after the break up. Even if he had, I don’t think things would have been the same for them.
Friend #3 recently got engaged and is in the midst of planning his wedding, saving money and…whatever else he does that takes up the other hours of the day and makes him the busiest person on the face of this earth. Those 2 ships, have clearly sailed away, leaving the group with just her and me.
Sadly, I’ve always known that it would come down to this. But with that being said, I’m left with the Friend that I first got to know before knowing the other 2. That friendship with her hasn’t faltered or changed over the years. Yes, she may be a stubborn mule at times, but my family has trained me up enough to handle people like that :p She’s rational, reliable and trustworthy. Nothing more I could ask for in a true Friend and for that, I’m grateful.
On a separate note, I submitted my final assignment for my undergrad studies today. 2 years of working my ass off has finally paid off. I now await my transcript in great anticipation. Yahooooooo!
So…I did it! I submitted my letter of resignation and that feeling of liberation, is indescribable.
Right now I’m not thinking of what if’s. I’m just thinking…I did it! And that is such a great feeling.
I don’t feel like going to work anymore but you know what, I will suck it up and countdown to my last day. I can do it!
I’ve always found the term “dog Mom” quite ridiculous. But yesterday, while walking Coby, I’ve realised how much of a Mother I’ve become to him.
Last year when I had commented to a Mother on how cute her child was, she said “You can have him. He’s not cute when he wakes up at __am and demands for food.”
And immediately I thought, I’ve been doing that for the past 10 years! Of course he doesn’t demand for food, but he demands to be walked by 7 every day (rain or shine, weekend or not), he wakes up sick/wanting to pee or poo sometimes in the wee hours of the morning and you have to clean up after and put him back to sleep. He always wants to investigate foreign sounds, even if it’s 2.35am in the morning and you have just managed to fall asleep. You have to remember to be back in time to walk and feed him. Going on holidays is tough, and at least 1 family member needs to be home with him (I do not trust pet hotels). Looking after him when he’s sick. Taking him to the vet for his immunisation. Giving him his baths, playing with him. Most importantly, to love him.
Yes it is tough being a dog Mom but I will never, ever take back a single memory I’ve shared with Coby. He has made me a better person and taught me to love someone/something unconditionally. He has seen and been with me at my lowest, never once leaving my side. Which is why when someone ever says having a dog can never replace having a child, I will say “Yes, but having a child can never replace having a dog either.”
Love you, Coby.