So…I did it! I submitted my letter of resignation and that feeling of liberation, is indescribable.
Right now I’m not thinking of what if’s. I’m just thinking…I did it! And that is such a great feeling.
I don’t feel like going to work anymore but you know what, I will suck it up and countdown to my last day. I can do it!
I’ve always found the term “dog Mom” quite ridiculous. But yesterday, while walking Coby, I’ve realised how much of a Mother I’ve become to him.
Last year when I had commented to a Mother on how cute her child was, she said “You can have him. He’s not cute when he wakes up at __am and demands for food.”
And immediately I thought, I’ve been doing that for the past 10 years! Of course he doesn’t demand for food, but he demands to be walked by 7 every day (rain or shine, weekend or not), he wakes up sick/wanting to pee or poo sometimes in the wee hours of the morning and you have to clean up after and put him back to sleep. He always wants to investigate foreign sounds, even if it’s 2.35am in the morning and you have just managed to fall asleep. You have to remember to be back in time to walk and feed him. Going on holidays is tough, and at least 1 family member needs to be home with him (I do not trust pet hotels). Looking after him when he’s sick. Taking him to the vet for his immunisation. Giving him his baths, playing with him. Most importantly, to love him.
Yes it is tough being a dog Mom but I will never, ever take back a single memory I’ve shared with Coby. He has made me a better person and taught me to love someone/something unconditionally. He has seen and been with me at my lowest, never once leaving my side. Which is why when someone ever says having a dog can never replace having a child, I will say “Yes, but having a child can never replace having a dog either.”
Love you, Coby.
I need to have a major rant. I probably sound like a broken tape recorder but it is going to be this way for the next 5-6 weeks.
Apparently Teachers go through a career cycle in their life and honestly at this point in time, I seem to be flying out of it, or more formally known as going through “disengagement.” There have been highs in the past few months, but they have been followed with major lows. Over the past week I’ve had “fuck care” moments but I’ve also had “I can’t just walk away” moments. And for the latter moments, they have been related to professional development of staff. This has led me to realise that I really want to be a trainer. Sadly, I am 100% certain that my current Organisation is not the best to support me in this next stage of my career. There are too many barriers and restrictions to overcome before even being considered for that position.
No trainer I’ve met in my field has stayed at only one Organisation for more than 8 years and been automatically asked to be a trainer. They have all been to different Centres, experienced different work cultures and settings before going into the field of training. They’ve also had very supportive leaders and co workers who have inspired them and pushed them to become what they are today.
At this point in time, I wish I had that role model whom I could look up to at my workplace and just be constantly inspired/ motivated to be like her. I realised throughout my teaching career, I had that one person, but now that I’m working alongside her, she provides no form of inspiration whatsoever. If anything, she would be the main reason I leave the Organisation. It’s really so sad how things change.
But with all that being said, I hope when I look back at this post in a few months time, that I will never regret the decision that I’m about to take as I recount the hellish time I’ve had to go through and be glad for the the freedom that I (will) have soon.
Maybe I’m not that young anymore but I think I’m not at that age to be having a midlife crisis. I’m just having a life crisis. I’m about to make one of the most riskiest decisions in my life. I’m scared as hell but I’m also ready to take this blind leap of faith. People do it all the time, so what’s holding me back?
Just Push Pause 