So it’s just come to a little over half a year. I can’t help but think what a whirlwind of a year it has been. It started off with a very bad break up in January, the next 1.5 months of caving in and thinking that I could see myself forgiving a cheater /liar (a.k.a my ex), then in the following month going on my first solo trip and coming to the realisation that I had more self-worth and pride than to do something like that. Thank God.
Never would I have imagined that someone could have such a horrible effect on my life, to the point where I lost interest in everything that I enjoyed doing, especially eating. Thankfully I kept to my exercise routines, which took my mind off things. I began to find joy in running outdoors as compared to the gym. Eating clean came naturally, though I did (and still do) give in to my cravings. Most importantly, I learnt to find myself again.
In the 5 years that I was in a relationship, I had lost myself and began to see US as one entity. If he wasn’t going to do it, neither was I. If he wasn’t going, neither was I. If he didn’t want to/couldn’t eat it, neither would I. My life revolved around him. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s to never lose yourself in a relationship. It’s easier said than done.
My solo trip was an excellent reminder on how much I thoroughly enjoyed my own company. Just the joy of sitting alone and having a meal/drink by myself and watching the world go by, was just the best reminder of how there’s no better company than yourself and your own thoughts. Of course many would disagree with that and say that sharing your experiences with someone is more exciting and stimulating than sitting by yourself, but after 5 years, I think I would seriously beg to differ :p
I’ve come out of all this so much stronger, not feeling any form of anger or hatred towards my ex at all. Yes, what he did wasn’t right, but I feel things happen for a reason. Maybe it is to bring someone else into my life. Someone who would remind me that being ME is still as important, if not more, than being US.
Just Push Pause 